I have carried the weight of fear for as long as I can remember. I would have described my personality as someone who was always nervous or anxious. This is my testimony how God delivered me from these demons.
I was raised in the Free Methodist Church. I am the youngest of 4 children. By the time I was 8 or 9 my parents stopped attending church. Seems like they no longer had a desire or need to go. I became involved with the youth group and was baptized at the age of 14. This was a time when my family life began to deteriorate. The church family was very important to me. They seemed to love me and accept me at a very difficult time in my life.
I graduated high school and attended a Christian college. I was not prepared for the feelings of rejection or feeling unloved. I thought all Christians would love me the same as the members of my home church. This was the start of many bad relationships. I was always looking for someone to reaffirm my value. I was a Christian, but that meant trying hard to be a good person and always do the right thing. No one ever talked of having a relationship first with Christ and placing God on the throne of my life.
My parents divorced and my dad remarried. He was unable to continue a relationship with his children. I never understood why and have carried his rejection with me for 25 years. My first husband had many affairs during our 10 years of marriage. He was not good at hiding his activities. I spend 10 years wondering when he would leave me. Finally, I asked for a divorce and was a single mom for almost 7 years. My second marriage seemed like an answer to pray. I thought God had brought me to the place He wanted me to be. When that marriage ended almost 7 years later I was devastated. It was during my separation that I realized that I needed God in my life and Christ the center of my life. I started attending church and God led me to many meaningful relationships.
My faith and desire to know God grew stronger. It was during this time that God began healing my wounds. It was confusing to me why I still felt anger, hurt about my divorce. I would struggle with a fear of rejection and the fear of approval. I relocate to Virginia when I was offered a job promotion. I knew God was leading me on a new journey and I was excited about what He was teaching me. I love Virginia and my job. God has led me to meaningful relationships that offer support and strength. Yet I still struggled.
Grace, who I have developed a close relationship with, starting mentioning that she had been set free from the bondage of authority. She said she struggled with needing approval from people in authority. She told me about the Bondage Breakers, by Neil Anderson. At first, it didn’t have any meaning to me. I wasn’t picking up what she was trying to tell me. Several months later she said I needed to be free of my fears. I also had the opportunity to talk with Noreen Goodman. I told her I did not understand my fear of rejection. I was feeling rejection from an individual, simply because they chose not to speak with me. Noreen was the first person to speak deliverance for me in prayer. It was the strangest thing I ever heard. She had me blow out air from my mouth as if demons would actually come out. As strange as it all was, I felt a huge burden lift from me. It was the first time, I truly felt the love of the Lord Jesus Christ for me as His child.
This experience was the start of an incredible journey. I got the Bondage Breakers and learned more about deliverance from demons. I spent a Saturday morning, walking through the 7 steps of freedom with Grace and another lady from church. It is so amazing that I have been free of my fears. It has improved my relationship with God. I know that He loved me, but I felt He would also reject me if I wasn’t good enough.
I know that God will never reject me. I also understand that rejection is a part of sharing God’s love with others. I am so grateful that I learned about deliverance. Maintaining deliverance is an important part of my relationship with God. I understand when familiar demons try and use the old tricks on me. Each time I can overcome Satan and praise God for His love and deliverance.
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